Thursday, May 29, 2003

For some reason, I woke up this morning thinking about that silly new Jim Carry Movie, Bruce Almighty. If I were given the omnipotence of God, sure I might enlarge my girlfriends boobs and teetch my dog to use the toilet. On the first day. But then I'd start using some creativity.

Now, as I understand the premis, the only thing Bruce can't do with God's power is contrevene Free Will. But there are a lot of ways around this. First off, why not alter the chemical composition of gun powder so that it doesn't explode? It wouldn't generate world peace but it would simply make killing people harder, or at the very least bring swords back into fashion. Do the same to Nuclear bombs-- add a neutron to every molocule of Plutonium so that it is no longer radioactive. No more nukes or nuclear power. Turn coal into rock candy and petroleum into chocolate syrup; or at least the geological equivelant. Then, appear in the dreams of scientists and help them dream up ways to make solar energy more eficient. Alter the formula of coke-a-cola in a subtle way so that it cures cancer; Dr. Pepper could be the AIDS vacine.

If I can come up with these ideas why can't other writers? Is Charlie Kaufman the only writer with any imagination in Hollywood these days or are they all hiding out, plotting a filmic revolution that will blow our minds? Don't get me wrong, I loved X2. As my good frined Mr. Jason Love said, it was the X-men movie he'd been waiting fifteen years to see. I have to agree. I seem to be one of the few people who liked Matrix: Reloaded. I hear there are some pretty cool movies coming up, but I'll believe it when I see it. I really want Ang Lee to knock me down and stand me back up again with Hulk, but I don't know, it looks kinda iffy. And frankly, November can't get here soon enough; I wan tto see the Return of the King yesterday.

But seriously, people, if you've got a ripe idea like giving a mortal the powers of God, why drop the ball and make a piece of crap like Bruce Almighty? I mean, did a demon creep into your ear and say,"Hay! Make it a goofy comedy with Jim Carry!"???


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