Thursday, July 03, 2003

Last Night Elvira and I watched one of the greatest movies of all time, The Day The Earth Stood Still. We were both struck by how well it stands up, even after fifty odd years. Then we wondered what would happen...

If George W. Bush Were President
The Day The Earth Stood Still


(The Oval Office. Bush sits at his desk while Dick Cheney stands beside him. Two MPs escort Klaatu, dressed in his space suit in from stage left.)

Klaatu: I bring you greetings from Outer Space. As a token of good will I offer you this. (presents a small cylindrical object) With it, you can explore other worlds.

Bush: Really? You alien fellas, you got any oil on that planet of yers?

Klaatu: Mr. President, my people abandoned fossil fuels ages ago, we have no need for oil or any otheró

Bush: Just answer the question there, Klaatudu!

Klaatu: Well, yes, I would suspect there are untapped oil fields but...

(Cheney leans in to whisper in Bushís ear)

Cheney: Sir, he arrived in a vehicle powered by an advanced form of Atomic energy. It is conceivable that they could, at some point in the future, decide to use that advanced Atomic power against us! I suggest we send a military force, now, to preempt this eventuality!

Bush: Well, he says they gots lotsa oil, so I agree!

Cheney (to Mps): Escort this creature out of here!

(The MPs grab Klaatu and drag him by his arms towards the door.)

Klaatu: Wait! I bring a message of Cosmic Importance! The life of every creature on this planet weighs in the balance! Gort!!!

Bush: Hear that? I thought so! This alien fellerís a Terrorist!

Cheney: I want him on the first boat to Guantanamo Bay!

(Gort the giant robot knocks through the wall. MPs surround him, firing their guns wildly, to no effect. Gortís visor raises and a blinding white light fills the stage as he obliterates Planet Earth. Curtain.)

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