Wednesday, November 19, 2003

The Evil That is Kitty Porn



Over at Corrente, The Farmer warns us about the evils of kitty porn, or as he rightly calls it, feline exploitation curiosa.


I'm telling you, heed this admonishment, do not allow yourself to be lured by the fervent milksopian glow of feline exploitation curiosa dependence. Once you've got that kitty on your back theres no telling how far you will go to satisfy any slavish maudlin craving. You'll start out with one kitty cat, and the next thing you know you'll need another kitty cat, and another and another and yet another. Nothing will satisfy your hunger and pretty soon you'll have kitty cats dangling from the draperies and crawling out from under the French settee with carved mahogany swan heads and your head will fill with spectral yowlings and incorporeal ululations as if your home were bedeviled by a thousand ruttish ghouls haunting a heathered moor!


I must admit, I am a recovering addict.

Once I was just a lad who enjoyed the company of dogs, those trusty tride and true canine companions that have guarded us against the dreaded night and aided our hunting expeditions since time immemorable. But I strayed from the pack, as it were.

First it was a growing atatchment for my friends cats, then my wife and I aquired our own precious, Lucy. We hadn't intended on becoming feline exploitation curiosa producers. That happened gradually, as Lucy grew from a mere puff of fur with giant ears to a sleek and agile creature, capable of knocking down even the heaviest glass vases. A regular feline newton, this one. If you catch her at it, I swear you could see her calculating tragecteries, so that the vase or glass of tea hits the floor just right.

But you see how easy it is to get swayed into this dastardly underworld? Fisrt it seems harmless. But before long you have framed pictures of your own Lucy, sitting pretty in a rocking chair hanging from the walls, sitting on the book shelves. It's madness I tell you! madness!

I'm sick. Help me.

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