Tuesday, February 24, 2004

The Simulated President
Part Two: Save Us, Arumcheck!

In Part One we compared George W. Bush to that fictional rascal, Furbish Lousewart V. In part Two, we will look towards another alternate universe, Philip K. Dick's Radio free Albemuth in which Ferris F. Freemont cons his way into the white house through assassination and voter fraud. And he where's a cowboy hat.

Ostensibly, Ferris F. Freemont is Dick's caricature of Nixon. But really, if Dick were alive today, he would stand up and say, "Holly shit, Man! What the fuck is wrong with that Bush guy? It's like he read my book as a how to manual!" Then he'd fall back into his chair and sob for us all.

There are worse novels to live in than one written by Philip K. Dick. That might not seem like a compliment but imagine living in The Brothers Karamazov or anything by Stephen King. At least in a Phil Dick novel, we know we're in for some weird shit. True, there may be no way out of the Black Iron Prison, (short of help from a kindly Extraterrestrial Satellite named Arumcheck, beaming the voice of God into our dreams. Until a Russian ICBM blows it of the stratosphere) But at least it gives context to our madness. That's something, at least.

Ferris F. Freemont's most notable contribution to the American Way of Life is the founding of a new Government Department, the Friends of America, whose job is basically to spy on everyone. But not in that kooky behind the scenes, James Bond sort of way but in the overt, We're-Totally-Aware-of-your-Information-and-have-a-nice-day sort of way. They are ever so polite about their intrusion into your personal space and overthrow of your basic constitutional rights. Oh, and Freemont also starts secret concentration camps in Montana where dissenters where rounded up and sent and ultimately executed. Now I know what you're thinking. "That's so inaccurate! And you're right. Bush put his concentration Camps in Cuba.


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