Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Supporting 'the Base'



From Everything's Ruined:

PRESIDENT PROPOSES MARRIAGE AMENDMENT TO SATISFY AL-QAEDA
"We are not infidels," says a somber Bush. "We agree with you on so many issues."


With President Bush's embrace yesterday of a marriage amendment, the compassionate conservative of 2000 has shown he is willing, if necessary, to make common cause with Osama bin Laden and fundamentalist mullahs throughout the Middle East.

Al-Qaeda, which translates as "The Base," despite three years of not attacking the US directly, has grown restless over Bush ignoring them and focusing too much on Saddam Hussein and John Kerry. At the same time, al-Qaeda is pleased that Bush has forwarded their agenda of destroying the United States, though Bush prefers "soft" methods such as financial mismanagement and murderously reckless environmental policy.

So when gay marriages advanced in Massachusetts and San Francisco, Bush felt a need to respond to the cries of angry mullahs -- even if it meant losing some swing voters he needs in November.

"Ultimately, I don't think he had any choice," said Ayman al-Zahawiri, a religious conservative who some call "Bin Laden's Brain." "The president has never really shown an enthusiasm about the wars over the culture." Al-Zahawiri added: "It would've been inconceivable that a president so associated with traditional values would have sat idly by while marriage was being redefined. He had to act."

[...]

..."Pulling our troops out of Saudi Arabia and going after the secular Saddam Hussein has not been enough for bin Laden and his people. Yes, now Iraq is on the way to becoming an Islamic state and Bush is eager to get us the hell out of there, but still you need to prove that you're willing to take measures at home. Eliminating civil liberties was the first step, and bin Laden is quite pleased about Bush's judicial appointees, most of whom favor reducing women's rights and making America a more explicitly religious nation. But if we're really going to please al-Qaeda we have to start attacking God's enemies directly. Homosexuals are God's enemies."

Already, some imams are pushing Bush to back an amendment that outlaws civil unions, too.

"In the last couple of months, 'The Base' has been hungry for moral leadership to come out of White House and was urging him to do something strong like he did today," said Shaikh Saiid al-Masri, one of the principal financiers of bin Laden's revolutionary terrorist organization.

But al-Masri said jihadists will balk if Bush sanctions an amendment allowing civil unions. "Creating counterfeits by any name hurts the real thing," he said. "God is great and he will punish the infidels who condone sodomy."

~Thanks to Patrick Nielson Hayden for the link.

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