Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Parsley, Sage, Menthol and Clove


Clove cigarettes have long been a prop of self-styled bohemians, favored by neo-hippies, artists, drama students, and goths. By transforming the sweet, fragrant Indonesian smokes into contraband, the recently introduced Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act would make them even cooler.

The bill, sponsored by two bipartisan pairs, Mike DeWine (R-Ohio) and Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) in the Senate and Tom Davis (R-Va.) and Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) in the House would give the Food and Drug Administration broad authority to regulate tobacco products. But the authors clearly thought the matter of cigarette flavorings was too important to be left to the FDA's discretion.

I have a confession to make. I'm one of those self-styled bohemians (of the goth variety). I smoke cloves, I dress in black, and I don't believe in Jesus, either. But mostly, I smoke cloves. (OK, not mostly. I smoke maybe two cigarettes a week, usually when I go out drinking or dancing).

I can't help it. I just have a genetic predisposition to undermine family values and America's faith in whatever it is that's being undermined this week. I can't keep track. I really should get on that mailing list for the Bohemian Anti-Family Association (BAA); that would keep me up to date on what we're undermining, on a daily basis. I hear they offer discounts on clcigarettes, too.


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