Banned Books Week, Part 3
The list of the 100 most frequently challenged books is indeed useful, and I advise all new parents to laminate it and post it on the fridge so that if they catch their kid reading something verboten they can roll the list up, fill it with lead shot and beat him about the ears -- but I also find it sorely lacking. Over the past few years, as I've labored to raise Melvin and George to be upstanding, coitophobic citizens, I've encountered several books so abhorrent that I was shocked to find they hadn't been banned. As a civic service, I am raising awareness of these dangerous books by providing an annotated list, as follows.
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak: lionizes Max, a disturbed young man who will no doubt grow up to be a depraved criminal. After an evening of troublemaking, he goes so far as to threaten his mother by saying he'll "eat [her] up!" Max's delinquent behavior is then encouraged when he takes a magical trip to a land of "wild things," where he leads the beasts in a pagan dance ritual. At the end of the book, Max is forgiven without so much as a single flog.
Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown: normalizes talking to inanimate objects.
Pat the Bunny by Dorothy Kunhardt: encourages children to touch things willy-nilly. This is bad enough in a household filled with breakable objects and clean, white walls, but I gravely fear what these grope-happy children will want to touch when they reach adolescence.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle: endorses gluttony.
This is a very useful summary that all concerned citizens should take to heart.