Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The Debate in My Head

I didn't watch the debates last night. I wanted to, I suppose, though more likely I wanted to want to watch the debates but just couldn't bring myself to get more than two degrees away from the actual watching. Instead, I drank tea and talked about life and nothing really important with a friend and am the better for it, I think.

But Kevin and I had dinner earlier yesterday evening and we discussed the debate we would have liked to see.

We were both hoping (almost wishing) that Cheney would loose it. That Edwards would riff on his Two America's speech and point at Cheney and say, "This man represents one of those Americas. Is it the one you live in?" Amidst hoots and claps from the audience, grown unruly at the restraint of so much decorum and politicking, Cheney's sneer would become evil and livid and grow into a snarl as Edwards continued to brow beat him about Haliburton and his still-secret energy task force. But mostly, about Haliburton. And graft. And corruption. Edwards would be gentile and elegant but also vicious as a snake in that way that only a Southern Trial Lawyer can be.

After an hour of defensive sneering and rambling incoherently about evil men with mustaches and our Precious Bodily Fluids, Cheney's left arm would go numb and he'd clutch his chest. paramedics would be called in as the audience claps and Edwards takes a bow. But just before they carried him out in a stretcher, Cheney's cyborg heart would explode sparks and big blood all over the stage and he'd bolt upright and spew prophetic gibberish, while his head spun like a wheel.

From what I've read, this isn't quite how the debates went last night. But they should have.


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