Monday, November 01, 2004

The Vote Looms

Tomorrow, folks. That's when it happens. Mere hours from now, we'll throw the Boy Who Would Be Dictator out of office and in his place, put a real President, John Kerry. But maybe you think I'm grandstanding? That I'm traitoring and Frenching Old Europe with my frivolous Liberal ways? Maybe you aren't so sure. Maybe you still have grave doubts and are prone to bouts of furious wonder about who and what and why.

So, to all the undecided voters out there I say: What the fuck are you waiting for? It's November One already and it's not like there's anything new out there. These guys didn't sneak up on us and spring this whole election in the middle of the night. They've been beating the stump for months. Throwing swift boat vets and wolves and ostriches with their heads in the sand and more mud than a Mississippi slug farmer to get us to take note and pay attention to them, to the world to anything that will wake us up and pay attention. (True, Bush never wanted us to pay attention to the right things, but at least he vied for our attention, unlike Nader, who just stood in the background and waged his finger about how naughty we all are).

Pay attention you sleepy undecided! Bush wants to kill your puppy. He wants to feed your grandma to the lions and force your baby sister to suck him off while Dick Cheney fiddles a jig. It may be difficult sometimes to tell exactly what Kerry wants to be, besides your President. But Bush wants to be your Dictator and he'll tell you whatever stupid lies you want to hear to get there. So, tomorrow, vote for John Kerry and John Edwards. Do whatever rationalizing and cognitive gymnastics you have to, but please, vote for Kerry! Tell the world that you may be fat, uninformed and obsessed with the sexual habits of skinny debutantes, but at least you have the sense nature gave a lemming not to run too quickly towards the cliff edge.

For a more reasonable reason to vote for Kerry, read what Mustang Bobby has to say.

For an inspiring reason to vote for Kerry, read what Ezra Klein has to say.


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